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6 Ways to Grow Closer to your Spouse When Busy Schedules Pull You Apart

There’s just something spectacular about life. And when we get to share it with others it becomes even more valuable. Unfortunately, finding time to enjoy all of the things life has to offer, including a relationship with God, marriage, family, work, etc. can present problems. With everything vying for our time, on top of the everyday chores and to-do lists, as a side effect, we can start to feel distant from our spouses – and often God – when we are pulled in a million different directions. When our schedules, which seem to be dominated by the demands of life, stretch our marriages and spiritual lives, it’s time to take a closer look. It can present a problem, but not one without a solution.

Here are six things to consider to recalibrate your life, for the sake of your marriage and your walk with the Lord.

It's okay to say no. Most of us extend ourselves beyond capacity. That’s because it can be hard to say no. Often our hearts are in the right place. We are doing good things. But sometimes we need to make sure we are saying yes to only the things that are truly important, and declining on the things that are ultimately inconsequential. This could also mean saying no to your children.

Guard time. There should be a time each day in the life of your family that is sacred. It could be dinner time. For many, late sports practices or games, hectic work travel schedules and more can keep this from becoming consistent. If it’s not dinner, create a specified time which you can devote to your family. There’s not a much better way for a family to grow closer together than to have the consistency of spending quality time together – laughing, praying, reading, watching movies, playing, vacationing, etc.

Make Date Night important. To remain connected to your spouse, date night has to be a priority. This can be easier said than done. My wife and I try to set aside every Wednesday as date night. We aren’t always able to get out every week, but, I can say when we are able to, it’s a beautiful time of reconnecting with each other. We are able to see each other as husband and wife, not the roles we play as dad and mom, counselor, teacher, etc. the rest of the time.

Conversation is king. Any growing relationship has to be watered, and there’s no better nourishment than conversation. For me, I’m an internalist. I internalize things and sometimes don’t communicate freely with my wife. This leads to her feeling left out and can compromise our relationship. When we lack communication, it’s hard for us to truly know each other. Spend time daily conversing with God, your spouse, and your children. This will lead to great understanding and bring wholeness to every aspect of your relationship.

Be willing to compromise. If the rule in your house is “it’s my way, or the highway,” then you might need to hitchhike your way to a better plan. You can’t always do what you want to do. That means you may have to take time out with your spouse even when you’d rather be doing something else. Compromise isn’t a bad word; it’s mandatory in a happy home.

Unplug. We are so connected to the world around us, it’s easy to become disconnected from the home we live in. Constantly checking our phones for new emails, updated news headlines and sports scores certainly doesn’t bring us closer to God and our spouse. What we read today on Facebook or Twitter, or see on Instagram or Pinterest, isn’t going to drastically change our lives for the better. Every minute you spend playing “Candy Crush”, “Bejeweled”, or “Words with Friends” is a minute I could pour into my spouse or my children. We need to regularly find time to disconnect from the electronic devices, and connect with our families instead.

There’s no doubt that family problems, busy schedules and everyday concerns can pull you away from God and your spouse. Don’t let the hectic nature of life lead you to burnout. There’s time to course-correct before you veer completely off path. Set aside and spend some quality time today with, God, your spouse, and your family.

Kyle & Adrienne Outen


The Transformational Marriage Ministry - seeks to inspire, encourage and equip those who are married and those who are preparing for marriage by providing practical and Biblical resources relating to marriage.  We believe that through Christ, you can maintain healthy marriages that last a lifetime.

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